What’s left for me? It’s gonna be a long post here.

This post is going to be like a self-help blog.

My pre-wedding shoot will be on next week and I am looking forward to it. As I browsing through the website for tips to have pleasant photo shooting I decided to go to my long abandoned blog here. I used to have free time and passion to update my blog. Not for money making of course. It’s more like a journal for me to look back after so many years later. At least I could see and reviewed what I have done so far and what I have been through all my life.

I started to blog when I was in college 1st year back in 2004 as I have access to internet way easier compared to my high school days. To think back I have rough years until I completed my university days in 2006. Most of the time I was alone and don’t really socialize much unless I’m going to class. After that I’m back to a lonely girl who spent most of my time reading and sleeping my dorm room. Perhaps I’m not a fan wasting time gossiping and spending money I don’t have by hanging out with certain group of people gave me hard time to blend in the group. Different taste, different background and different languages. I have to admit I can’t clicked with too Chinese-Educated people. Sorry to say, not being a snob, I tried, seriously! It’s just don’t jive. Simple thing like dressing style and way of thinking already put me in a very difficult situation to blend in.

I did involved in relationships back then. 2 crappy men I’m in love so much I would say and I think they don’t deserve a spot here to talk about them! They took my 6 best years and I really regretted to be loyal to these assholes for 3 years each! I wish I could be prettier and slimmer, things can be different where these boys would just do anything for me and shower me with gifts or treat me like a princess. These useless thought stopped when I decided not to let anyone to determine my life. Enough said. If I want that shoes, I will work hard and buy it myself. If I want that house, I will find my way to make my moolah and buy it with my own effort. At least I am accountable to my life and no one else can take that away from me. I’m glad I met my husband who cares for me and accept for who I am. Yes, including my 78kg body and plain look with flat nose.

When comes to personal achievements, there is nothing to shout about. Never was an athlete or genius math whiz or something in school, I do have low self-esteem back then and often have wishful thoughts like, if only I could have a rich family that could send me to overseas and never come back. I wish I could just live luxury life without worries and have the best times of my life! There are times I wish I could have tons of money and just go shopping without worrying about my bank account. It getting worse when I went to university followed by celebrating my 32nd birthday with no birthday blast party or something. I’m pretty upset about it as this is not what I wanted to be like at all. I guess, truth hurts and reality hit me hard!  After reviewing and find out the reasons why the heck am I sulking here, I decided to put this useless thought at rest and write down my goals and plans. To make it more exciting, I will post it in my blog soon and let the public knows so that I have no excuses to avoid it because everyone is watching me. Of course, I do not wish people watching and waiting me to fail.

Reading more inspiring blogs about real people does gave me more insights on how to take control of my life. Yes! There are still hopes. These are few start up thoughts and plans I have in mind to move forward:

  1. I have to accept the fact that my father is not Robert Kuok la! I know. I’m just a plain girl born in a middle-class family. That doesn’t mean I  will die as one plain girl too. Unless I don’t do anything about it by just let the time goes by and eat my youth away. I decided how much I must earn each month to sustain comfortably and how can I do it to achieve that. Of course, I put a deadline there, by age 35! Oh yes, tick-tock, time is ticking 3 years to go mate!
  2. List down 10 long term goals, 10 medium term goals and 10 short term goals with deadlines. Sounds crazy and this is not what I usually do. You know what, I’ve been wasting away 32 years of my life, time to take control and get it back!\
  3. Prepare a bucket list and do all these crazy things before I die. Oh yes! One of them is to compete in marathon and get a bloody medal. I shall post the list and going to execute these and blog about it.

Enough said.

If you still reading up to this paragraph, I really appreciate it! Normally people just gonna click “X” once they read the 1st paragraph. Thank you dear reader, I need support from you. Once I’m done with the 3 things I’ve mentioned just now I shall post it for more updates.

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